Some Photos From Over the Years…
Below are a few photos taken of me during my main years of struggling with my body image. To view a larger version of any of these images, please click on the thumbnails below (the image will open in a new tab or window).
Lowest Weight
This is me at or around my lowest weight, in 1985 at age 19. I still didn’t think I was thin enough…
I have intentionally decided not to use numbers in this blog for two reasons: so as not to be “triggering” for those with eating disorders AND because the number is not the point; the feelings are what matter!
Highest Weight
This was me in 1989 when I was close to my heaviest, roughly 90 pounds heavier than in the photo above. I gained a lot of weight when I stopped purging and I was disgusted with myself for being so heavy.
I tried – and failed – numerous times to lose the excess weight, but I ended up being in my heavier range for about 4 years. While I never got that heavy again, I continued to fluctuate in weight throughout the next two decades.
Happy Medium?
Here I am last summer while I was visiting LegoLand with my family (age 42). It’s kind of apropos that I’m standing next to Darth Vader, as I feel like my constant body image woes are like the dark side of the Force!
Although my weight has been much more stable in recent years (I probably fluctuate within a 10 pound range now) and my eating behaviors are much more “normal,” I am still far from being at peace with my body.
It’s Not About a Number…
It isn’t about a number on a scale or a clothing size; it never was about those things and it never will be. I was uncomfortable in my body at my lowest weight as well as at my highest weight.
The peace will not come when I reach a certain weight or fit into a particular pair of jeans. The peace will come when I heal myself within. This blog represents an important step in my healing process and I am excited to begin!
